The year is 6969. Earth’s land, skies, and seas have been ravaged by
climate change as crypto miners fill the atmosphere with greenhouse
emissions and burn the last drops of oil left on the planet.
In the midst of this unparalleled energy crisis, the greatest minds
of humanity turned towards the sky above to stay warm in the night.
Harnessing the near-infinite power of the sun itself, solar panels
could sustain humanity while sparing the planet from further
mutilation.
But only betas and paper hands care about the environment, so humanity told the scientists to go screw off and began hunting for oil.
All of the fossil fuels lying beneath the Earth’s surface had been drained long ago, so the search for oil led to the rebirth of a practice once forgotten by the world: Whale hunting.
Beneath the surface of the ocean swam whales rich with oil and fat, just waiting to be burned for the minting of a new NFT.
Whale oil, the last remaining source of energy on the planet, becomes a symbol of wealth and status while whales themselves are driven nearly to extinction.
This brings us to a certain scene in the port of Diamond City, where the discovery of a strange substance will change the course of history for millenia to come…
March 20th, 6969. Natural selection has led to a forced
evolution of the few cetaceans that survived, increasing the
size of their brains so that they can elude their human hunters.
Yet humanity was relentless, and slowly but surely the whale
population was whittled down to a single colony that faced peril
at every turn.
The last whales on Earth were chased by hunting vessels to the
port of Diamond City, where they made their last stand against
humanity in a harrowing battle that lasted for days without
stopping.
After 420 hours the whales emerged victorious, though their
numbers were slim and their futures uncertain. They were surely
still outnumbered, and it was only a matter of time before the
humans sought revenge. Desperate for a solution, the whales
searched the desolate battlefield for anything that could aid
them in their next battle.
Their initial search found hundreds of plastic containers that
had been scattered across the seabed, leaking a mysterious
yellow liquid into the water.
The whales believed this to be urine, so they kept a wide berth
from the area and resumed their search elsewhere.
But one young whale was a little bit freaky and, sneaking away
from his pod, dove headfirst into the yellow liquid to swallow
it whole.
To his surprise the liquid turned out to be something else
entirely– his vision sharpened, his mind cleared, and he
suddenly knew what the fuck “non-fungible” meant.
The liquid was K.R.I.L.L., a human-made experimental drug composed of 42% trenbolone acetate and 69% molly water and crushed percocets (math was one of the many things that were forgotten in the last 2000 years). When ingested by humans or primates, this only produced a high about as powerful as burned oregano or the best weed you can buy in Japan. In whales, however, K.R.I.L.L. had the unique effect of unlocking the full potential of their newly evolved brains.
His sudden increase in intelligence caused the young whale to
gain a new sense of ambition, and he soon took over his colony
in a violent coup. Declaring this usurper the Sigma Whale, the
surviving whale population began juicing up on K.R.I.L.L. with
the goal of surpassing humanity.
They succeeded.
The whales used their newfound intelligence to build a society
far more advanced than humanity, allowing them to survive for
millennia after the planet was rendered uninhabitable to every
other form of life.
However, there was a problem: their K.R.I.L.L. was running out,
and ingredients to produce it no longer existed on Earth.
Without K.R.I.L.L. the whales would surely go extinct. Earth
could no longer sustain them. The only option they had left was
to go to space.
But not everyone could go. The spacecraft could only fit so many
whales, leaving room for only the best and the brightest.
So whalekind assembled 4500 whales, 4500 diamond-hands, 4500 representatives of the most exclusive society to exist on the planet Earth as of 6969, and sent them off into the cosmos in search of a new home.
The year is 6969. Earth’s land, skies, and seas have been ravaged by
climate change as crypto miners fill the atmosphere with greenhouse
emissions and burn the last drops of oil left on the planet.
In the midst of this unparalleled energy crisis, the greatest minds
of humanity turned towards the sky above to stay warm in the night.
Harnessing the near-infinite power of the sun itself, solar panels
could sustain humanity while sparing the planet from further
mutilation.
But only betas and paper hands care about the environment, so humanity told the scientists to go screw off and began hunting for oil.
All of the fossil fuels lying beneath the Earth’s surface had been drained long ago, so the search for oil led to the rebirth of a practice once forgotten by the world: Whale hunting.
Beneath the surface of the ocean swam whales rich with oil and fat, just waiting to be burned for the minting of a new NFT.
Whale oil, the last remaining source of energy on the planet, becomes a symbol of wealth and status while whales themselves are driven nearly to extinction.
This brings us to a certain scene in the port of Diamond City, where the discovery of a strange substance will change the course of history for millenia to come…
March 20th, 6969. Natural selection has led to a forced
evolution of the few cetaceans that survived, increasing the
size of their brains so that they can elude their human hunters.
Yet humanity was relentless, and slowly but surely the whale
population was whittled down to a single colony that faced peril
at every turn.
The last whales on Earth were chased by hunting vessels to the
port of Diamond City, where they made their last stand against
humanity in a harrowing battle that lasted for days without
stopping.
After 420 hours the whales emerged victorious, though their
numbers were slim and their futures uncertain. They were surely
still outnumbered, and it was only a matter of time before the
humans sought revenge. Desperate for a solution, the whales
searched the desolate battlefield for anything that could aid
them in their next battle.
Their initial search found hundreds of plastic containers that
had been scattered across the seabed, leaking a mysterious
yellow liquid into the water.
The whales believed this to be urine, so they kept a wide berth
from the area and resumed their search elsewhere.
But one young whale was a little bit freaky and, sneaking away
from his pod, dove headfirst into the yellow liquid to swallow
it whole.
To his surprise the liquid turned out to be something else
entirely– his vision sharpened, his mind cleared, and he
suddenly knew what the fuck “non-fungible” meant.
The liquid was K.R.I.L.L., a human-made experimental drug composed of 42% trenbolone acetate and 69% molly water and crushed percocets (math was one of the many things that were forgotten in the last 2000 years). When ingested by humans or primates, this only produced a high about as powerful as burned oregano or the best weed you can buy in Japan. In whales, however, K.R.I.L.L. had the unique effect of unlocking the full potential of their newly evolved brains.
His sudden increase in intelligence caused the young whale to
gain a new sense of ambition, and he soon took over his colony
in a violent coup. Declaring this usurper the Sigma Whale, the
surviving whale population began juicing up on K.R.I.L.L. with
the goal of surpassing humanity.
They succeeded.
The whales used their newfound intelligence to build a society
far more advanced than humanity, allowing them to survive for
millennia after the planet was rendered uninhabitable to every
other form of life.
However, there was a problem: their K.R.I.L.L. was running out,
and ingredients to produce it no longer existed on Earth.
Without K.R.I.L.L. the whales would surely go extinct. Earth
could no longer sustain them. The only option they had left was
to go to space.
But not everyone could go. The spacecraft could only fit so many
whales, leaving room for only the best and the brightest.
So whalekind assembled 4500 whales, 4500 diamond-hands, 4500 representatives of the most exclusive society to exist on the planet Earth as of 6969, and sent them off into the cosmos in search of a new home.
